Sundays With Edee
Sweet Edee Baby.
There's something so amazing about life with a little one. No one can ever really explain to you how difficult it can be... or describe to you how you can love something so small so incredibly much that it literally takes your breath away. I have friends who have chosen to never have kids. And honestly, there really is something so wonderful about it being just you and your significant other. Traveling the world, eating wherever and whenever you want. Bathing on a regular basis. Making love daily. At times, I look back on our life without Edee and in some ways, it was SO. MUCH. EASIER. We didn't fight as much, I actually cooked meals from scratch, exercised almost daily and was able to focus on me, myself and my bearded beau. The big questions in our lives were about who we wanted to be and the companies we wanted to start. And then we got pregnant. Flipping our world upside down. But my, oh my... it was by far the best thing that ever happened to me.
Looking at her eyes in the photo above nearly brings me to tears. There is so much life in her!!! Energy to love, to fight and to have complete faith in humankind. The innocence of a child is so beautiful. Not yet scarred by the world, she smiles uncontrollably at EVERYTHING. I constantly find myself telling her, even though she has no idea what I am saying, how much she makes the world a better place. She makes MY world a better place. When work is more difficult than anyone should have to deal with, I walk in the door to a happy, big blue eyed smiling baby who can't control her excitement to see me and all of the sudden, life makes sense.
Many of us have learned to live our lives for our children, like our parents before us did. We all have a tendency to want more for our children than we had. But when I look at her I ask myself, "What do I want her to know as she grows and lives her life?"... I want her to love and be loved deeply, care for others, find something she is passionate about and never give up striving for it. My next thought is, "am I a good example of that?". And the answer is yes and no. I know how to love deeply, could probably be a little more selfless when it comes to helping others... but when it comes to fighting for what I am passionate for, I am not yet sure what that even is. All I know is that I want to make a difference in people's lives. Help give life back to people who feel they have lost their motivation. Love my day job like my own father had up until the day he retired last January. Whether that is as a stay at home mom or a full time working business woman, I want to love what I do and pour my heart into it. But I feel I lack the discipline to do so... I'm on the road to self discovery. Ha!
Every Sunday morning when I look into the eyes of my sweet little Edee, I have hope. Hope that the coming week will be better. Hope that I will figure out this very complicated thing called "life". Know that no matter what is thrown my way, I can handle it. And I WILL live my life as honest, raw and passionate as I possibly can so that one day, my girl will know how to do just the same.